July 4, 2015

On Giving Our Child A Reward and A Punishment

First, I know as a parent we have our own way of raising and disciplining our children. But there's no one good way to raise a good child. As a parent, we never really know what it is all about until we are there already. Just like what I have wrote about the 11 Most Important Lessons I have Learned as A Mom, it takes one to know one.

One of the hardest tasks of being a parent is how to discipline our child. At first, I though it was as easy as 1,2,3. I also thought since Daddy A and I both grew to be a good child (ehem!), our son will be like us as well. But I am totally wrong because our son is a unique individual.

There's no doubt our son is a bright boy. He's doing well in school as evidence of his examination results. Look how many big stars he can bring home.

Having big stars indicates that he do well in school. And not only that, that also indicates he behaves well in school. For that, we promise him to give rewards. He can ask for anything, as long as we can buy it. I even look for a more attracting reward like a guitar from musicianfriends.

However, this week. Aside from big stars, he also has small stars. I asked him why. At first he doesn't want to tell us. But when I told him I will not get mad, he told us his teacher gave him small stars because he does not behave well and he's not following instructions.

As a mom, knowing my son is not behaving well stress me a lot. I am asking myself what went wrong. I am always reminding him to behave accordingly. I am not telling him to always just bring home big stars, but I want him to understand that right attitude and behavior matters a lot too.

This time, we imposed punishment. At first, we agreed to get one of his toys for every one small star he will bring home. It seems he's no affected as he still continue to not behave well. He even run away from his teacher when she's giving him small stars. He told us he also get mad. That made me realize, I am sending him the wrong message.

Until the other night, when I almost lost the last straw of my patience. It was a very hard decision to impose physical punishment. The last thing I want to do is hurt our son. But because he's not learning how to follow us through getting his toys or refraining him from watching TV or playing out side, this is our last resort.

We had an agreement that for every one star he will get from not behaving well, he will get two palo. My son agreed. But to my dismay, he even bring home 4 small stars and he even lie to us. He said he behaved well and he followed his teacher. It was all lies. Honestly, I was disappointed. I told him we will proceed to what we agreed upon. He has crying even when he's not even beaten.

I asked him to lie on his stomach but he refused to. I begged him to follow me as I am losing my temper already. He's really hard and he's telling me it will hurt. I told him to trust me and do what I have told him to do.

Actually, I will not beat him. I asked him to lie down not to beat him. I want to see if he will follow me. He just do what I told him when I gently hit him twice on his legs and when he saw I was really angry (but that was hard because I almost laugh seeing his overacting reaction and hearing his funny excuses). When he's down already, I told him "I will not hurt you. I just want to know if you will follow me. We have an agreement and I want you to understand how important it is to honor your words." I also told him by not following what it is told, he will get hurt. He hugged me tight and say sorry.

I know he is young but it's better to discipline him and teach him good values now than later when I can't control him already. The next morning, I heard him telling his tita. "Tita, narining nyo po ba iyak ko kagabi? Kasi sabi ni mommy dumapa daw ako. Kaso hindi ako dumapa agad. Tapos noong dumapa ako, di naman pala nya ako papaluin e." With that I know, even at a very young age, he can understand. And when he got home, there's no more small stars. He had 4 big stars. Yey!

Sometimes, you need to learn the hard way. Hopefully, he will learn from us what he should learn to be a good man. Oh, it's really hard to be a parent right?

Are you imposing reward and punishment too?
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